??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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