I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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