How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
