what day is it and did you see me today?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
