I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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