y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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