Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
