i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
