Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
