Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
