i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
