Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
