the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
