Already got asked if we're dating
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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