every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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