seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
