did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
