The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
