You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
