Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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