My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
