The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
