i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
