I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
