i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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