i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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