whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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