she looked like the before picture.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
