i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
