found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm like, not good at living.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
