Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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