Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
