so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
