Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
