The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
