So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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