I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
