I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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