At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
