It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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