It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
