yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
