Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
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