And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
