is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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