Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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