Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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