I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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