so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
