Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no, he came in my armpit
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You left your phone here
Wait...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
