Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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