just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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