i think my mom watched the whole time
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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