Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
